Overview

I am perhaps the world champion jack of all trades. You name it, I’ve done it. You are quite right to wonder if I am therefore a master of none and simply a jackass of all trades. Although I would like to think I’m a master of perhaps one or two, I know for certain that I’m a jackass of at least one. I became aware of this when distracted churchgoers, led treacherously by my own doting grandmother, prayed openly that I would stop inflicting my vocal enthusiasm on Onward Christian Soldiers and, for that matter, on any other hymn or activity normally reserved for those with a trace of musical talent.

However, I am by no means always a jackass. I have sometimes been judged by observers - including some who do not share my DNA - as having almost always been able to do almost everything better than almost everyone. But that’s a lot of almosts, so even if this generous assessment were fully deserved (which it certainly isn’t) it would not necessarily constitute a reliable forecast of the unfolding reality of my life. Having the capacity to achieve things, and having the motivation and self-discipline to achieve them, are two very different matters. I do think I have been blessed with a fair share of the first attribute, but I have too often lacked the other two - sometimes shamefully. If this all sounds like an uncertain mixture of overbearing conceit and self-deprecating modesty, it’s probably because it is. I am undeniably proud of having excelled at all sorts of things, from the very physical (like being able to walk further on my hands than anyone else) to the largely creative (like solving the age-old problem of wobbling tables better than anyone else) to the wholly intellectual (like scoring higher on a gruelling international psychometric test than anyone else). I am certainly not proud of having achieved very little in terms of the world’s largely commercial measure of success - and even less in terms of my own, which weighs achievement against capacity.

Nevertheless, in my endless striving to do new things and think new thoughts - usually at the expense of follow-through and income - I have lived a life that will leave me with fewer regrets than those looming for many of my more materially successful contemporaries. I am disappointed that I have not made it into space and that I cannot afford a Scottish castle, but I am relieved that I have at least got almost halfway into space on the Concorde and that I can at least afford to live in a little Welsh chapel guarded by a sacred lake and snow-capped peaks. I am also pleased that I have often managed to shape raw ideas and words and materials into unique new forms, even though the great bulk of my creative output has until now remained unknown to all but a loving few. Most of all, I am delighted that I have done a thousand things and seen a million places.

No one likes a been-there-done-that braggart, particularly if he’s also wearing the T-shirt. Because my life experiences have been so dramatically wide-ranging, I have had to learn to bite my tongue when others talk of their own interests and accomplishments. Yet I sometimes resent that such reticence has been forced upon me for so long by those who love to talk but hate to listen. Well, I have often been there and done that. Now, to fulfil the blunt purpose of these egocentric pages, I shall also temporarily have to wear some of the T-shirts.

Under the five headings below you will find a brainstormed preview of the extent of my myriad interests and activities. On the next page you will find many thumbnail sketches, five of them already linked to dedicated websites. If this, my first foray into website design and publication, generates enough interest I shall probably expand from time to time on the outlines of my mostly-unsung exploits, and perhaps link them to new websites.

1. Adventurous
Air Force wings, formation flying, aerobatics, microlights, test-flying, skydiving, bungee-jumping, parasailing, hang-gliding, skiing, hydroplaning, narrowboating, free-climbing, gymnastics, swimming, tennis, squash, backpacking.

2. Intellectual
Postgraduate degrees, Greek, Latin, history, archaeology, philosophy, languages, physics, geometry, aerodynamics, thermodynamics, computer programming, organisational behaviour, financial management, international law.

3. Inventive
International patents, pottery kiln, candle centrifuge, hovercraft, manpowered aircraft, towed hang-glider, electrical junction box, automatic pool cleaners, table stabilisation, rotary engines, phase engines.

4. Artistic
Mostly-unpublished writing, limericks, novels, sketches, portraits, carving.

5. Miscellaneous
Machining, photography, shorthand system, probability theory, betting systems, puzzles, animals, guide-dog training, cooking, recipe formats, bread, yoghurt, pizzas, tofu, foreign travel, cloak-and-dagger adventures.